So Sayeth The Peabs

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Thursday, October 21, 2004

Mmmmmm, Baby. Your Ass Tastes Like Biscuits & Gravy.

Picture pages!
To quote the great German chancellor Otto Von Bismarck: "Expect me to punch you in the fucking face after you give me a sloppy beej, you effing Prussian handjob." That pretty much summed up last evening's Obvs in '04 Campaign fundraiser, in which most of my NYC supporters threatened to commit ritual suicide after the Yankees loss to the Boston Red Sox. So in order to liven their spirits, Peabs fed them all cocaine and oxycontin salad, dressed up like Babe Ruth and "called my shot" on their respective tees. Bovs. I have more jazz than Charlie Parker giving Miles Davis a fucking facial at Estee Lauder. She mars all over your Lars Ulrich. Darkness! Imprisoning me!

For those of you who didn't know already, this Halloween Peabs plans to throw an epic fundraiser called "Trick or Trick: An Obvs in '04 Joint." Your friend and mine, Dr. Bill Cosby, came up with a tigs idea for a costume last evening: Peter Cottontail. I figure all Peabs would have to do is get one of my gonorrhea-ridden cokehores to Hum-V the D™, gargle my jazz like Listerine®, and spit it out on my sweet, pretty A. That way, Peabs will have a nice little tail. All I'll need to do is snort massive amounts of crank and hippidy-hop around, shitting pellets on your fucking face and removing your ovaries with a carrot stick. Some say greatest Halloween costume since when Peabs went as General Augusto Pinochet. Let's just say Peabs was in full character that particular evening, calling everyone "Marxist whores", buttfucking them and dropping Sony™ Playstations on the back of their heads. You try telling me that ain't hotter than flossing your teeth with Coz's pubic hair. Obvs.

Anyway, here's another excerpt from my debate with Ralph Nader. Next week the site will return to it's normal format, so apologies for being busy. I'm fucking running for fucking President, people. Shmears. Be that as it may, Peabs still loves you in ways that only prison inmates understand– i.e. I love it when you bend over in the shower and make me call you Karen Carpenter. Obvs. I'm so fucking Catholic.

For today's homework, I plan to fuck your ass with a #2 pencil.
Blue: "Mr Nader, in my film "Violation of Ashley Blue," you played an anesthesiologist who had a fetish for ass-licking his patients while under. Do you feel that this is a metaphor for how you, if elected, would handle the Presidency?"

Nader: "Firstly, Ashley, I did not co-star in that particular motion picture; I was in "Train My White Ass 4," playing Professor Butt McButt. Be that as it may, I feel that your metaphor is fascist. If I were President, I wouldn't focus on ass-licking; I would focus on the environment."

Peabs: "I have no problem admitting that Peabs would focus on ass-licking. Rimjobs are a cherished tradition in this great country of ours. And if we're to take them for Granda, who knows what will occur next?! Next thing you know, you'll be tossing your aunt's salad and it won't taste of vomit and Benson & Hedges 120's. And what does that say about us as patriots? Or even more so, what does that say about us as human beings? Peabs'll tell you. But you'd have to let me fist your vaggie-vag before I give up any of those secrets. That's why a vote for Peabs isn't just a vote for America, it's a vote for Ass. I quote the great Indira Gandhi, whom I teabagged just five minutes before this debate: 'You must be still in the midst of activity, and be vibrantly alive in repose, and sodomize me with a Lortab enema and a smile. Suck it. Gobble, gobble!'"


Shmears.

and if what calls itself a world should have
the luck to hear such singing(or
obvs in
'04™.

1 Comments:

At 8:07 PM, Blogger Ess DeLeon Esq. said...

Lars! Darkness! Imprisoning! Flat out fucking genius - one decrepit coke hag resetting another

 

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