So Sayeth The Peabs

??????????

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Peabs Prefers It Sniffed, Smoked, Or Injected. Duh.

I think I just flazzumed my pants!
Peabs recently gave an interview with The Economist in which I was asked how I take my coffee, thus the title of today's post. She mars. I take most things that way, including smack, blowjobs, and herpes. Mmmmmm, herpes. Easily the favorite son of all of my STD children. Sort of like my very own JFK, just without the fucking hole in the back of his fucking head. Bovs and to the left on your effing Camelotees, Jackie O!

Peabs knows it seems a little late in the game, but we recently picked up an endorsement that will surely do nothing but help the Obvs in '04™ Campaign come election day. Longtime Peabs supporter and professional wrestler/acting legend Rowdy Roddy Piper jumped aboard the juggernaut that is Peabs/Cosby, and we met last night to discuss many important political issues and how I would tend to them as President. For instance, few of you know that Piper is an important figure in the Neo-Christian Rimjob Organization (NeCRO), a left-wing religious sect that sees the art of salad-tossing as Scripture. Robvs. Honestly, I know only a few squares who don't believe this, but then again Peabs knows some sick fucks (I'm looking at you, George Orwell, you fucking mo-mo!). Anyway, Piper proposed that when I become President, Peabs should pass a bill proclaiming every Wednesday as "Ass Wednesday." Frankly, I couldn't agree with him more. I'd make everyday an ass-licking festivus if I could. Yeah, because Peabs certainly doesn't now. Nor do I smoke happy sticks and donkey-punch crackwhores everyday, eiths. Schmobvs.

As the night progressed and the angel dust ran low, Dr. Bill Cosby decided it would be a mantastic idea for the three of us to take some DMT-laced peyote, call some "ladies of the night" and have ourselves a little hullabaloo, "Moby Dick"-stizz. In midst of our conversation on paint-huffing hemophiliacs earlier that evening, a coked-up Piper suggested Captain Ahab as a possible Halloween costume for yours effing truly. Now, we all know that Peabs already has a semblance picked out, and it's hotter than an effing meth-fueled suckjob from a dentureless Willem Dafoe. C'est la obvs.

Howevs, Peabs must admit: Piper's explanation for the Ahab costume was effing brills. Instead of dressing up like a sailor (hey!!), you would just eff a call girl doggy-stizz, pull out, and chase after her with your harpoon-like cock. Duhvs. If Cosby didn't get such a beautiful raging black hard-on from the idea, I would've used it myself. The costume, not the beautiful raging black hard-on. Though if you feed Peabs with enough crackrock and formaldehyde, I'll be passing out hojos like a Good Humor® ice-cream man on Cialis® in the gay district of Istanbul. Gobble!
Rod.
Be that as it may, as mentioned above we decided to test out the Captain Ahab costume a little early. Personally, Peabs found it to be a rousing success, as did Coz. Rowdy Roddy Piper, on the other hand, took it to a different level. After poking his lovers with his rod (Ha, get it?! Rod.), he would blow a hot one on their mizz, and then put them in the sleeper hold and Cleveland steam their dozing tees. Mind you, we here at the Obvs in '04™ Campaign have no problem with this practice. We're just not professional wrestlers. Usually when I try to put fucking diseased sluts in a sleeper hold, I end up choking them to death and buttfucking their corpses. And contrary to popular belief, even Peabs doesn't dig on necrophilia. Much. Isn't that right, Dr. Bill Cosby?

"But I thought that youuuuuuuuuuuuuu liked to flazzum Indira Gandhi's flizzum!"

How could Peabs forget? Indira, you will forever be my muse. And, you, people of the United States of America, will forever be my ooh-jah. Boo-jah!

6 days until the apocalypse. Bovs all over your tees, America.

dead every enourmous piece
of nonsense which itself must call
a state submicroscopic is-
compared with pitying terrible
some alive individual

ten centuries of original soon
or make it ten times ten are more
obvs in
'04™.

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