Peabs Likes His Coffee Black And His Assfucking Raw And Unprotected.

I honestly can't imagine living in a world in which Peabs, dressed to the effing nines in custom-made Roberto Cavalli, couldn't step out of my multi-million dollar brownstone and be greeted by countless call girls, all of which want to desperately spike my pretty veins with skag and gummy gum my fucking D™. This is why I became your President, ladies and gentlemen; Peabs wants everyone to be able to experience what I feel to be the "American Dream." And no, I'm not talking about Dusty Rhodes, you fucking suckjobs. In the next four years, Peabs, with the help of the ubiquitous Dr. Bill Cosby, will make sure that each and every single day you live will contain a least a tiny slice of heaven that yours effing truly experiences every single fucking dizz. This could mean an extra gram of blow is added to your daily habit, so relish in it! Or better yet, you might just receive a good old-fashioned prostate massage from a pre-op trannie named Fancy Ass McTesticles upon immediate request! Everyone will benefit!

Peabs is like effing Santa Claus - not only do I give gifts, I also have a red nose from blowing so many effing rails of snow. Lest we forget I have a fascination with buttfucking elves in the back of my sleigh while Donner and Blitzen lick my Joe Sakic with their hot reindeer tongues. Mars she all over your 'Spirit of Christmas Tees', Jacob Marley! Obvs.

So my real question is this: since Peabs is a "people's President," I want to know not only what you want for Christmas, but what you want from the Obvs in '04™ Cabinet the next four years. Feel free to comment or email President Peabs. And don't be shy, you fucking dildos! If you want me to dress up like Rodney King and beat myself over the head with a Mag-Lite®, don't hesitate to ask. If you want Cosby to hardboil his testicles and cook you a Cobb Coz salad, he'll be glad to do so. Schmobvs.

Personally, the gift I'm asking for (from my gorgeous self, snatch) is a rimjob from Beatrix Potter; and boviously she'll refer to Peabs as Peter Rabbit every time she comes up for air. Duhvs. I won't even go into detail as to what Coz wants. Let's just say it involves a gerbil, the theory of relativity and Stedman Graham. Yummy.

Ho ho fucking ho!

Peabs/Cosby: 4 More Shmears!