Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow.

You have all been very, very bad boys and girls this year, and alas, Santa Peabs must spank each and every one of you fucking handjobs with an unlubed dildo until you confess how naughty you've been. Bovs. And don't try to tell yours effing truly that you've been a good little boy, girl, trannie, etc. If there's one thing I know for sure - and Peabs knows everything, duhvs; I'm more ominiscient than God, pretty much because I am God; therefore I'm more ominiscient than myself, obvs - it's that this has become a run-on sentence. Oh, and that in the past year I have become so motherfucking influential on society that each and every one of you have become dirty, filthy douchebags. And I am proud of it. Not to mention the fact that Peabs is proud to be sporting a 14 foot D™. Stick that in your mouth and smoke it, you cocksucking ooh-jahs! No, really, please do. The way you ess my effing D™ reminds me of the time I bukkaked a coked-up Cloris Leachman at the premiere for Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Damn, that fucking slutbag's got a mouth only rivaled by Paul Oakenfold and a Brontosaurus on crystal meth. Shmears.

It's pretty effing schmobvs that 2004 was a great year for just about everyone, and Dr. Bill Cosby and yours effing truly feel rather responsible for it. Simply put, we made your lives much more interesting by giving you a bird's eye view of our everyday occurrences. Duhvs. Just think about the year Peabs had and what you've been able to experience second-hand via my brilliant fucking prose...

Peabs:

was elected President.

assfucked countless amounts of hookers. Not to mentioned blew a hot nut down their ready, willing and able throats.

did enough cocaine to jumpstart the mid-1980's. Skag, too.

was kidnapped by Elvin from The Cosby Show, only to be saved by Joe Lieberdurst, wearing a dildo on his forehead.

retired, then made a genius comeback, because quite frankly you needed it, you effing handjobs.

blew lines of K off of Indira Gandhi's bozzletovs while bovsing her respective post-mortum tees.

created a homoerotic rapping alter ego named DJ Orange Julius.

slept 12 minutes.

gobbled. A lot.

talked about pretty I am. A whole lot. Shmears, look at me. You would too if you had a bod like this. But you don't. So get on your effing knees and step up to the mic, you fucking mo-mos.

rejuvenated Coz's career by feeding him crank and teabagging his mizz.

loved each and every one of you. With my hot and juicy D™. Obvs.

It has been my pleasure to serve you, my lovelies. Next year will prove to be even more effing tigs shats to the boombies. I will strive to be the best Peabs I can possibly be. It will be difficult, because I am rather amazing as it is. And fucking gorgeous. Lest we forget that if you do shots of my jazzum, it'll cure tooth decay and give your skin and nice healthy glizz. Robvs.

So with that, I wish you and yours the happiest of holidays and all that shit. Me? I plan to spend it with my loved ones; and by loved ones, I mean Peabs and Bill Cosby plan to barricade ourselves (Howard Hughes-stizz, snatch) in a penthouse suite with a kilo of blow and a slew of HIV-pos call girls. Mars. I'm fucking beautiful.

Anything you'd like to add, Coz?

"Happy flazzum flozzum! Don't forget to bozzle the bizzle bop!"

Until next year, kindly lick my testes. Yeah, baby, just like that. Mmmmmmmm.

Obvs in '05™.