So Sayeth The Peabs


Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Hold on Kiddies… Peabs will be back soon

Until then, I’m going to give you some recommendations, McSweeney’s stizz. (And I am not including zombies or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in this list because that is bovs.)

The Surreal Life – Season 3
They say romance is dead… Flavor Flav and Brigitte Nelson prove them all wrong.

Garbanzo Beans
Nice little source of protein.

Caller ID
Making you feel like God by giving you the power to accept a call or let it go to voicemail.

Wetting the clothes you are wearing with water from the kitchen sink to remove wrinkles before going to work
Surprisingly effective.

Sick Days
Actually these suck because you can never really enjoy them because you are convinced all your co-workers think you are faking and you most likely are. But still you get to sleep in, so this is still recommended.

Free Nights and Weekends
Makes us use that cell phone way more than we normally would.

Garden State
So good, we even forgive them for saying in it that a Shins song from 2001 will change your life.

Instant Messenger
Because typing LOL instead of fake laughing while having real conversations takes less effort.

Moving Units
New Album Dangerous Dreams comes out October 12. It’s good.

Now acceptable at the office.

This really is one stop shopping. Someone should say that in a commercial or something.

Pony Tails
Still cute and covers up that fact that you didn’t wash your hair that day.

Now let’s hope Peabs case of the crabs clears up soon.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Peabs: Behind the Blog

Just got a phone call from Peabs--who is off in Zanzibar getting hand jobs from tribal trannies with the Coz, members of Styx and his favorite Golden Girl (Betty White, obvs)--and he asked me to let you all know he will be back soon (or so he sayeth).

I figured I would take this opportunity to let you all know more about Peabs: The Man, the Myth, the Legend. I’m not as verbose as he is, so bullet points will have to do.

• Little known fact about Peabs – the man showers 20-25 times a day. How do you think he survives living such a dirty lifestyle?
Ralph Nader asked Peabs to run for President. And it was Peabs would told Nader not to eat hot dogs anymore because they are just plain nasty. They met while rooming together in the dorms at Princeton, in case you didn’t know.
• His better half really is better.
• He is allergic to synthetic fibers. That’s why he only wears Prada.
• Peabs made Betty Ford hit the bottle again, though he swears to this day she did it all on her own accord.
• He turned down replacing Kilborn on the Late Late Show because he’s just too pretty for TV. That’s why he sticks to the internet.

How do you like them apples?

Gobble Gobble.