And For Dessert This Evening, We Have Peabs' Homemade Crème Brûlée Shot Down Your Thrizz.

It's getting to be that time of year, kids! You know, when Peabs dresses up like the Easter 'Roo and hoppidy-hop-hop hoppidy-hops around like a senior citizen rolling his droopy snoop-a-doop-doop bratwurst Steven Fursts off! Schmobvs. Lest we forget how it's also that time of year where I golden shower y'all with some Hubba Hubba and Red Rock goodness gracious great balls of spermatozoon, just to make that whole resurrection of Christ much more hoombodnay fadnomay ooh-jah boo-jah boo! Isn't that right, Rodney Roo?

"Totally motally rotally roo!"

Spooky!

Now before Dr. Bill Cosby gets the urge to take a hot dump on your sassy Classy Freddie Blassie mizzle-mazzle, let your gorgeous President tell you about my weekend. It pretty much goes without saying that it involved white rice, head lice and Bo Bice. And, duhvs, I shot my hot joy-juice all over the Spruce Goose while getting fingey-fingered do you have to let it linger by Kip Winger! Peabs is only 17!! Bovs, that's a flat-out lie. I have the maturity of a hot 'n steamy preemie, the looks of a 25 year-old hot wet dreamy-creamy fuckstick and the vortexual sexual prowess of an infantile jack o' lantern! And to Das Boot, enough razzamajazzum in my nutsaculartastics to start a colony of slappy-nappies! Mars she on your effing viparitakarani, you fucking New-Age vegan mantra karma ball-licking mo-mos! Yogobvs.

Downward facing dog, my ass. Peabs prefers the jackhammer. Unprotected, snatch. How else you gonna hit me up with some o' dat AIDS luvin', you diseased harlotan? HIV-pobvs.

Lately, yours effing truly and my ubiquitous partner-in-crack, Coz, have been criticized for not making much sense here on SSTP. I'd like to personally state for the record that I am the President of the United States and have access to endless amounts narcotics and hot, dirty and loose vag. Mmmmmmmm, vag. Furthermore, because of this, Peabs should be able to flabbergast and glabberflast and jabberwocky my sake bombs with Vietnam during Ramadan eid Mubaarak kullu 'aamin wa antum bi khair all I fucking want! Right, Bill Cosby?

"Youuuuuuu seeeeee, Dizzee and meeeee would like to flazzum all ova Anna Kournikova while flizzumming the crimson 'n clover! Bozzle bizzle puzzle posby, you know my name is Bill Cosby!"

This just in: I'm the fucking best. You think there were a lot of tees at the Boston Party Tea Party? She mars, Ms. Camellia Sinensis, you fucking twatwhore. I make the fucking Dutch look like Christ on a crutch wearing Von Dutch! Voorbij duidelijk op uw fucking T-stukken!

Obvs in '05™.