Cosby Comes Forward! And All Over Your Effing Mizz, You Slooty-Sloot!
Last evening on Fox News, Dr. Bill Cosby's accuser, Tamara Green, publicly stated how Coz drugged her ugly A and then "touched [her] inappropriately." And while my sidekick and Vice President was not there to defend himself, we here at SSTP would like to take the time to say that Ms. Green got it all wrong. He did not drug her "lunch." It was her dessert; a Jell-O® Pudding Pop, to be exact. And Coz did not leave her "two $100 bills on the coffee table." It was more like three bucks and a half-filled Dixie® cup of his jazz. Bovs. Furthermore, she also had the audacity to claim that he violated her in "worst possible way." Now let's be shmears here, folks. "Worst possible way?" What the fuck does that mean? Did he give you a dirty sanchez, using the diarrhea of a SIDS-ridden newborn, Ms. Green? Did he blumpkin you with your bloody tampon and make you call him Prince Playtex®? I think not. If anything, you got off scot-free. Millions of women out there would've loved to have been in your shoes, getting a chance to feel the Coz's manifest destiny all up in their Guy Ritchie. Shmears!
Be that as it may, Peabs is still rather proud of Dr. Bill. This incident occurred well before we became inseparable compadres, and it's good to see that the man was acting "inappropriately" even way back then. So with that, yours effing truly, your "hipster doofus" of a President (thanks to Anonymous for the compliment!) and his loyal, molester friend, Cosby, wish you a weekend filled with phencyclidine, rimjobs and John Wilkes Booth. Anything you'd like to add, Coz?
"Yooooooouuuuu seee, Dizzee Rascal is the king of the castle! And I am the queen of Diana Ross & The Supremes! Flazzum in the name of flizzum!"
Obvs in '05™.