So Sayeth The Peabs


Monday, August 16, 2004

Genital Reprimand.

Bazzle, Dubya!
Peabs isn't exactly sure what possessed Dr. Bill Cosby to have a meeting with President George W. Bush this weekend. Maybe he was trying to dig up some new dirt to help the Obvs in '04™ Campaign. Or perhaps it's because they used to blow countless amounts of gram-long rails while giving each other hand-jobs in the back rooms of Houston-area bathhouses. Obvs. Either way, Coz returned to the campaign headquarters a bit more fired up than usual. She mars. My guess? They probably picked up some pre-op trannies, dressed them up as sheep, and re-enacted an episode of "Fear Factor." Duh.

Be that as it may, Peabs is still peeling the tuna pellets off my gargantuan nutsack after this weekend's debaucherous affairs. You see, Obvs in '04™ Campaign archivist C. Friggs was married on Saturday, and I can't tell you how many tees I bovsed upon. Bovs. Lest we forget, Coz was busy doing shmears-knows-what with Dubya, so Peabs had to pick up the effing slizz. Luckily, there was plenty of prime snatcharoo looking to introduce yours effing truly to their Aunt Flo. Gobble!

I love cocaine.
Peabs knew the wedding was going to be a treat when I scored some premium fucking smack from world-reknown douchebag Pete Doherty. For being a fucking lightweight, Pete certainly had some high-grade shit. Shmears. It usually takes Peabs about a dozen balloons to catch a fucking buzz anymore; but this horse was effing oohjah. Honestly, from the first hit, Peabs felt like I was getting blown by a whore who had the head of Bea Arthur and the body of Len Bias. Schmobvs.

Anywizz, the actual wedding was a blur. It was basically a "who's-who" in Michigan drug addicts and swingers. Even famed comedian Lenny Bruce made an appearance! Man, that guy can fucking party. He's been dead for almost 40 years and he can still inject a needle with more ease than anyone Peabs has ever seen. Except for Cosby, obvs. Bruce and yours effing truly decided it would be fun to see if the waitresses wanted to snort some H, make some butter bullets and have an assfucking orgy in the middle of the dance floor. Needless to say, I hadn't fisted that many non-prostitutes since Tuesday. Robvs.

That being said, Peabs must take off early today. I have to be in Massachusetts for an Obvs in '04™ Campaign rally. Hopefully the toothless cocksucking hooker I met at the wedding this weekend will give me an Andretti on the way to the airport. Bovs on your fucking bloody vag, you fucking dildos.

Even your clit-ring cladden grandmother would go down on Peabs. Duhvs. Isn't that right, Dr. Bill Cosby?

"Myyy grandma likes the Jell-OOOOOOOOOOOOO®!! Flazzum fozzle bozz, Fozzie Bear!"

And the coolness of your smile is
stirringofbirds between my arms;but
i should rather than anything
have(almost when hugeness will shut
obvs in


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