The Following Gangbang Is Brought To You By Paul Bunyan.

Hey there, sailor! I just skullfucked your mother! And bovsed on her effing nipple clamps. Robvs.

On a related note, we are reaching the final week before Super Tuesday, and things are abuzz here at the Obvs in '04™ Campaign headquarters. This past weekend, Dr. Bill Cosby and yours effing truly hired a bunch of Chilean midgets, fed them some Valrex and PCP and played Rhode Island rodeo 'til the sun came up. Then we decided to reenact the French Revolution, except with with sock puppets filled with gravy, and a young Mexican pre-op trannie named Hombre playing the part of both Marie Antoinette and Alex Sanders! It was a performance that would make Ralph Macchio fistfuck your cousin and call him Sweet Tart. While it's been rumored that no one has any fucking clue what that means, Peabs still stands by the fact that piñatas are much more fun when they're filled with smack and jazzum. She mars all over your Ringo Starrs.

In order to win the Presidency, Coz and myself decided that we need a major scandal to occur these final days prior to the election. Personally, nothing says "scandal" like GHB and Dick Cheney. While it's common knowledge that Dick is a world-class asshole of gargantuan proportions, what few know is that he is also a maniacal pedophile who loves to "slip mickeys" into "young girls' drinks" and then "have raw, unprotected buttsex with their comatose bodies" and then "shit on their faces." This is most certainly celebrated in my campaign, but the Republican Party? Eh, not so much. Unless you throw some fucking blow into the mix. Bovs. Of course, we here at the Obvs in '04™ Campaign don't mind that eiths. Boo-jah!

So Cosby decided to ambush Cheney on Saturday night. Peabs, with a belly full of special K and heart of fucking gold, was more than willing to act as his accomplice. Obvs.

Apparently, Dick likes to take his wife and daughter out for the famously ooh-jah ribs and tuna-fish casserole combo at the local Shoney's, then "excuse himself to the bathroom" in order to lube up with some tartar sauce, wildly masturbate to the Halliburton quarterly newsletter and phone Colin Powell, so that fucking perverted fuck can set up the tween fuckfest for the evening. Schmobvs. Using phone taps and gravity bongs, Coz and yours effing truly were able to redirect Dick's call to Dan Jansen, world famous speed skater and expert Colin Powell impersonator (not to mention quite the fucking meth-head, snatch). Jansen somehow convinced Cheney that the nightly gangbang was to occur at the home of Oscar-winning deceased actor Don Ameche Duhvs, no one fucking parties harder than Don. He's gets more fucking vag than your gay sister on a world-tour of my host mother's clit-ring collection. Oh, you didn't know Peabs is a foreign exchange student? Well, I am. From the country of Turkey. Gobble, gobble!

Anyway, the press was waiting for Cheney at Ameche's house. Howevs, I do not think the media was ready for what they were about to see...

Let's just say that Dick Cheney showed up with testicles for eyeballs,wearing assless chaps and accompanied by Babe the Blue Ox, who was strung out on H and speaking complete jibberish. My guess is because she's a fucking blue ox. On heroin. Shmears.

Either way, none of this post is true and it's pretty motherfucking clear that I mixed a little more LSD with my morning gram of blow than Peabs had intended. Who the eff am I kidding? Obvs I dissolved an entire sheet knowing full well that I was going to ramble on, Zep II-stizz. Isn't that right, Dr. Bill Cosby?

"My eleven year old daughter mopes around the house all day waiting for her breasts to grow. Bozzle!"

What in the fuck would you do without Peabs? I am your everything. Your body, your soul. The cream of the crop. The apple of your eye. The moneyshot on your fucking face. The cock in your vaggie vag. Obvs.

Suck it.

listen
beloved i dreamed
i thought you would have deceived
me and became a star in the kingdom
of heaven
through day and space i saw you close
your eyes and i came riding
upon a thousand crimson years arched with agony
i reined them in tottering before
obvs in
04™.