Swimming Down The Dirty River.

Okay, yes. What you've heard is very much true: Peabs once had an unhealthy obsession with Shelley Duvall. So much that I actually went so far as to cocoon a pre-teen Duvall, Wilford Brimley-stizz. You have no idea what that means. Obvs.

Anyway, madness is ensuing upon the Obvs in '04™ Campaign. We've been receiving much backing from many a left-wing militant organization and illegal pharmaceutical special interest group, let alone gay-porn mogul Rod Cock (a longtime Peabs supporter, duh). Oh, you claim you don't know Rod's work? Ever see "Home Fries"? If you try telling Peabs that movie isn't a homoerotic buttfuck-fest of flaming trout proportions, I'll try telling you that Dr. Bill Cosby's god-given name was Hot Carl Camille Jacob Pissarro. Peabs would know. Shmears all over your fucking Crisco®, Lenny Briscoe. Boo-jah!

In case you haven't noticed yet, I'm on a shitload of acid today. Look, there's Grimace! Bovs.

Without further or due, here is another excerpt from my epic debate with Ralph Nader. In the meantime, Peabs is going to go couch bombing with the image of Pol Pot fisting Bill Blass firmly implanted in my brain. To quote matinee idol John Garfield: "Realistic solid Jel-Lee cock with balls is 7.5 inches in length, and slim for easy entry." Schmobvs.


Blue: "Mr Nader, would you like to respond in your defense of recent allegations made by Representative Peabs that you are indeed Count Chocula?"

Nader: "The idea of me being Count Chocula is fascist. Clearly, Representative Peabs is delusional and under the influence of some sort, or many, narcotics. I mean, look at him right now! Sure, he's easy on the eyes in his custom-made Paul Smith suit; but he's got his penis hanging out of his pants, and I am pretty darn sure he is foaming at the mouth!"

Blue: "Representative Peabs, would you care to respond? By the way, your cock looks delicious, and I'd love to make it the focus of my next hoagie. Mmmmmmmm, cock hoagies."

Peabs: Firstly, Peabs would like to state for the record that yes, I am on many narcotics, and never have I denied such. Furthermore, I know for a fact that Ralph Nader is Count Chocula because Indira Gandhi told me so. She mars. I also have a sneaking suspicion that he is also Atticus Finch. On a related note, I Peabs, am certainly a turkey. And you can gobble gobble that to the bank, Mr. Creamjeans. I'll ass-fuck you for Lent. Bovs."

all which isn't singing is mere talking
and all talking's talking to oneself
(whether that oneself be sought or
obvs in
'04™.