So Sayeth The Peabs

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Thursday, October 14, 2004

Jacuzzi-Bagging Narcoleptics

Falafel!
Okay, Peabs has a confession. Myself and Dr. Bill Cosby are responsible for Bill O'Reilly's recent sexual antics. And Peabs couldn't be any fucking prouder. Well, actually I could be; "Caribbean shower fantasies?" Shmears, Bill. You could've come up with something a little more tigs shats boombies. You know, like "cum-guzzling she-male golden-shower-loving cokewhore fantasies." She mars all over your Amit Kumars. Dood!

Needless to say, I shouldn't be too shocked at O'Reilly's debaucherous gestures. Sure, he came onto me multiple times during our past interviews, spitting out terms of endearment like a Peter North moneyshot in your effing eye, you fucking twat. Be that as it may, it was behind the scenes where my influence really came into play. Coz's too. Schmobvs.

After our second interview, it was pretty clear that Bill and yours effing truly were on the same page about a lot of things. We certainly disagreed on most political views, but when it came to snorting Acyclovir and eating the ooh-jah out of a narcoleptic's boo-jah, we had comparable, healthy appetites. Mmmmmmmm, boo-jah. Some say tastier than turkey. Gobble!

Coz and myself decided to take Bill O'Reilly out on the town and do it up, Obvs in '04™ Campaign-stizz. I don't really need to get into too many details, but let's just say that Bill couldn't exactly hang with Peabs. I mean, don't get me wrong, that jack-off loves assfucking just as much as the next guy. But he lacks imagination. Shmears. For example, Cosby was cutting up some gram-long speedball rails and the motherfucking douchebag had the audacity to say:

"But isn't it bad to mix cocaine with heroin?"

To which Peabs politefully responded:

"Are you effing SIDS? She fucking mars, Bill! You effing dildo! That's like saying freebasing ketamine and chasing it with bumps of Wellbutrin is like eating out Mindy Kohn's ass! You have a lot to learn, my friend. A lot to learn. Bovs all over your effing cameltoe, you fucking pussy."
Shop-Vac: Fucking mothers since 1865.
So Dr. Bill Cosby and yours effing truly decided to teach our naive friend what a "jacuzzi-bag" was. Granda, it worked, and Bill came around. He still lacks creativity, in my humble opinion. But then again, Peabs is the most creative fuck on the planet. The prettiest, too. I'll fuck your mother with a Shop-Vac® and make her toast me some Eggos®. But don't expect me to eat that shit, you fucking cunt. Robvs.

Tonight, Peabs prepares for my much-anticipated debate with Ralph Nader. I assure you, my loyal followers, that I shan't disappoint. Shmears. How could I? Peabs a fucking specimen, a marvel. A fucking miracle of modern science. And I should know: I created "modern science." With my bare cock. Bovs. Isn't that right, Bill Cosby?

"Yooooooooouuuu best nots forgets the Jell-OOOOOOOOOO®! Flozzle!"

Well said.

I'll have transcripts from tonight's debate posted here next week. Until then, kindly jazz all over your fucking chlamydia-ridden perenium, you effing monkey paws.

or by drowning himself in the watertank
but somebody who'd given my Unde Sol a Victor
obvs in
04™.

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