So Sayeth The Peabs


Monday, October 18, 2004

Milking The Head Of Prostate.

Pull my finger and I'll shit on your fucking face.
Hey lovers, how was your fucking weekend? Better than Peabs'? Doubtful. Robvs. I stuck my D™ in more orifices than Liberace at an effing glory hole convention. Ooh-jah!

Much has occurred in the Obvs in '04™ Campaign these past few days: Dr. Bill Cosby was assaulted and gang-raped by a group of gay turkeys who thought that he was a giant vat of mashed potatoes; and yours effing truly participated in a debate with fellow Presidential candidate Ralph Nader. Not to mention I decided to play a prank on Powers Boothe in which I bought a copy of "Red Dawn", choked myself with a garden hose, and beat off into a mason-jar to the scene where Lea Thompson gives C. Thomas Howell a rim-job. Let it be known that Mr. Boothe does not take kindly to one actually buying copies of his movies. Apparently he's also not a fan of Peabs fucking his wife with a spork, tarring and feathering her and calling her Colonel Sanders. Finger lickin' bovs! She mars. Peabs, so fucking opaque.

Anyway, back to the aforementioned debate. Personally, Peabs felt it went very well, but I'll let you be the judge of that. Since we are now reaching the last two weeks before the election, the next few days will be a pretty busy time here at the Obvs in '04™ Campaign headquarters. With that, during the ensuing days I shall treat you with some excerpts from last Thursday's debate with Ralph Nader. Bovs all over your effing butt plugs, you fucking herpes-infested cockrings.

Ashley Blue (adult film actress, debate mediator, cocksucking cokewhore):"Mr. Nader, how do you feel about the country's current laws regarding the legalization of territorial gerbiling?"

Ralph Nader (Green Party Presidential candidate): "People of America, territorial gerbiling is fascist. If I am elected President, any... what the hell kind of question is this? I don't believe this issue was brought up in President Bush or Senator Kerry's debates.

Representative Peabs (D-Mich.):"Umm, I'd like to respond to Mr. Nader's comments. In 1997, Peabs sold Ralph a sheet of blotter acid and a tricycle. And with that tricycle, he drove that blotter acid to a pet store. And at that pet store, he bought himself a gerbil. And where is that gerbil now? People of America, when Peabs is elected, those gerbils will be fighting for their right to burrow in the asses of both men and women, and should be allowed to do so. They were there first. They are the American Indians of the 21st century and beyond. I think what Mr. Nader fails to realize here is that I'm really, really fucking pretty, and Peabs just bukkaked his daughter with a shower of jazz only comparable to the Great Chicago Fire of 1871. Bovs."

More debate highlights as the week progresses. Peabs apologizes for being busy, but it takes a lot of hard work and dedication to run a fake campaign for President and talk about myself so much; let alone smoke so much fucking crack that I shake like Michael J. Fox. Schmobvs. I would think you'd understand, but none of you are as fucking drop-dead gorgeous as yours effing truly, so just kindly suck it. Shmears. I'm the best thing that's ever happened to you. Isn't that right, Dr. Bill Cosby?

"Nubilously! Flazzum!"

Gobble, gobble.

i charge laughing.
Into the hair-thin tints
of yellow dawn,
into the women-colour
obvs in


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