So Sayeth The Peabs


Thursday, October 07, 2004

Frankly, Peabs Enjoys Rim-Jobs Above Anything Else.


Long-time Obvs in '04™ Campaign supporter and reputable ass-eater Alex Sanders had yet another of his infamous fundraisers for Dr. Bill Cosby and yours effing truly last evening. In fact, I'm pretty convinced that Alex will be making these parties a daily ritual from now until the elections, so if you're into salad-tossing and blowing teener-long rails of speed off of a trannie's cockring, then Peabs might suggest hightailing it to Van Nuys. Schmobvs. It's hotter than my effing load down your thrizz, you fucking slutbag.

Anyway, the party was a complete success in many a facet. Cosby discovered that when you liquefy ecstasy and then do shots of it, the result is a feeling only comparable to getting blown by a pre-teething newborn. Bovs. Certainly, Peabs did his fair share of microdots and participated in multiple gangbangs, but that is no different than any other night. What really made the evening was the fact that I made close friends with adult film star Ashley Blue; and by "close friends" I really mean Peabs fed her with so much cocaine that I convinced her that "all the tea in China" was really in my testicles. Teabagging. Some say more robvs than John Wilkes Booth. Sic semper tyrannis!

Coincidentally, the lovely Ashley had been approached by Ralph Nader, who asked the vixen if she would act as mediator to our upcoming debate. Luckily, she decided to take on the task, and I knew I could make this work in my favor. Don't get me wrong; I still feel I have a legitimate shot at the Presidency, but I play fucking dirty. Obvs. I've been face down in dirty snizz since Ike was in office. If there was any way in which Peabs could get an upper hand on the debate, I was going to pull out... all the stops. No, wait. I was going to pull out and blow jazz on her mizz. Duhvs. My cum is like porcelain. Gobble!
My name rhymes with bizzle boz!  Flazzum!
Since Ashley was coked out of her effing mind (thanks to your fearless, gorgeous leader), Peabs was able to coerce the silly lass into letting Coz "double-check" her questions for Nader and myself. Schmobviously, Dr. Bill Cosby "edited" these questions so that truly meaningful topics were touched upon: for instance, the effects of freebasing crystal meth as opposed to snorting; giving handjobs for crack and it's impact on the economy; and the psychological and Oedipal significance of auto erotic asphyxiation by way of used tampon.

Peabs is certain that fucking crackhead wack-job Cosby threw in a "flizzum" here and a "bozzle bop puddin pop" there, so tonight I'll have to ingest an assload of mushrooms and turpentine and make the questions a little more comprehensible. Because Peabs speaks perfect English and never makes up any words (obvs). I also never talk about myself (Peabs, Peabs, Peabs) and the amount of drugs I consume (kilos) or vaginas I penetrate (tens of thousands, most likely yours). Nope. Not me. Never. Shmears.

Tomorrow, Peabs shall treat you with an excerpt of some of the edited debate questions and how I plan to answer them. Until then, bovs on my mastectomized tees, you fucking IUDs! Anything to add, Dr. Bill Cosby?

"I like to barbequuuuuuuueee the bizzle bazzle!"

lily has a rose
no rose i've
and losing's less than winning(but
love is more
obvs in


At 11:55 AM, Blogger President Martin Van Buren said...

The more things change, the more they stay obvs in 04.


I'm a dead president.


At 2:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

who wrote holden caulfield lyric


Post a Comment

<< Home